


Being a SHIELD Agent Sucks Somtimes

by Mystic_Harley



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic_Harley/pseuds/Mystic_Harley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Coulson hates his job sometimes, especially since he has to go undercover for the most insane thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being a SHIELD Agent Sucks Somtimes

There are times when being a SHIELD operative isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes they saved the world from extra-terrestrial threats and thwarted the threats of HYDRA, but alien invasion and mass scale terrorist attacks didn't happen every other weekend, and sometimes field work was for more boring than that.  
  
Sometimes they did simple spy work to scout out some scum, others they were doing boring paperwork and drills, very typical stuff. Then there were those assignments. Everyone knows the one, the one where you need to sacrifice personal dignity and really show your loyalty to the cause. Very few can pull it off, some say Director Fury can absolutely fantastic in a ballroom gown, but no one's willing to ask if that's true, part out of fear for the man and part out of fear for the truth.  
  
Phil Coulson is one of those men. One of SHIELD's best agents. He's able to sway some of the most powerful beings on the planet and come out smelling like a rose. He's the man you trust with the top secret missions, he's the one you trust to track down Tony Stark and get him on the initiative. He's the one you trust to do the deepest of undercover work.  
  
And for that exact reason, that Phil Coulson, widely regarded as probably the best SHIELD agent ever second only to Nick Fury himself, was wearing a beautiful pale yellow sundress with a lovely floral pattern, wearing a pair of his mother's best heels and a big floppy sun hat. He just finished applying the make-up, popping his lips and stuffing the lipstick away in his purse. The transformation was complete, and the once handsome Agent Phil Coulson was gone from this earth, and in his stead was the charming old lady Phyllis Blair, taken from his late mother's maiden name.   
  
His cellphone rings, and he picks it up, using the sweet old woman's voice he's been practicing all night. "Hello? This is Mrs. Blair, to whom am I speaking?" Internally he was cringing as he heard the director try not to snicker. "Dear god Coulson, you really do have this down to a T, maybe I should send you off on these missions more?"  
  
Coulson began walking towards the target destination, a simple game of Bridge with a few mothers of known HYDRA agents, his task was to find out any information, if any, and report it back to SHIELD. "Very funny sir, but I'm just doing my job. Now if you excuse me, I'm approaching the target." He hangs up the phone, tucking it in the purse and smiling kindly at the ladies. "Hello ladies! Ready for a rousing game of bridge?"   
  
The other women smile happily at Phyllis, and nod. "Oh yes Phyllis! Perfect timing! Tamela was just telling us the most fantastic story!" Phil called up every ounce of willpower he could call upon, and sat down, ready for what would only be hours of hell.  
  
Tamela gave him a devilish smirk, one only old mothers could pull off. "Let me tell you Phyllis, my son Johnny has gotten himself a nice job!" Ah, getting somewhere at last. "Go on dear, go on." Of course, such information wouldn't come easily, and the poor man had to suffer through half an hour of mindless dribble until the information he needed finally came up.  
  
"Oh let me tell you dear, my poor Tommy's been talking about developing some new secret project for his work. Something about a 'superweapon' or something of the like. He always did like being cryptic my son, why he was practically crying with joy when he got a decoder ring in his cereal one day!" Coulson noted this down in his mind, it seems like this 'Tommy' was building HYDRA a new superweapon. Now he can go back to his work and report it, but first he has to win this one last hand.  
  
"And then he said, "Oh no my dear, that's not the salami!" All 4 women, Phyllis included in that 4, began laughing like only 4 old friends could. "Oh my word Adrian that's hysterical!" Phyllis giggled happily, he had been here for 2 hours, and while he had gotten the relevant information half an hour in, he was honestly having such a good time he completely lost track of it. "Oh, oh my ladies. I'm afraid these old bones can't stay here forever, my poor husband must be furious at me for making him wait for so long." They all began giggling again, and Phil stood, waving goodbye to the ladies and pulling his phone out again and dialed the right number.  
  
"I have the information sir, heading back now." After some papers shuffling, he heard Fury's chuckling voice. "Oh we know agent, you got the information an hour and a half ago." His eyes widened, then narrowed. "You speak of nothing, you heard nothing. Therefore, there was nothing." Fury just laughed, and gruffly spoke into the other end. "Just get back to base." He hung up, and an embarrassed Phil Coulson, one of SHIELD's finest agents, waved kindly at the SHIELD helicopter there to pick him up, stepping in. "Hellicarrier boys." The pilot nodded, smiling kindly at the agent. "Yes ma'am." Phil groaned a bit, he's never going to live this down.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the character of Agent Coulson, all property is Marvel's.


End file.
